We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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