One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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