Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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