this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
