i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
