at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
