You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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