is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
