i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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