you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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