It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
