4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
