No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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