ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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