If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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