i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
