He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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