that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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