I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize