this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
