saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
