then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
