I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
