I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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