Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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