I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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