After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
