We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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