He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
