Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
