Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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