I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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