I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
