nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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