We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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