You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
