i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
