garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
