i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
