Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
