Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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