he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
