Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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