yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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