Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
