Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
