remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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