Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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