i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
