On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
