On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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