Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
