So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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