I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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