it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
