He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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