One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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