I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My liver just broke up with me...
another moral hangover. fuck.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
