i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
