I just saw a hot homeless man
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
