You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
