I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
