Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
