Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
