Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hippo gnu deer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
