Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
