His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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