i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
