Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
