if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
