I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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