My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
