I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
