WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
