non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
