So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
