i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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