Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
