I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
