i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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