In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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